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"Safe"

Title: Safe
Pairing: Andrew/Jesse
Rating: R
Summary: Written for this prompt in the kink meme: "Jesse decides, on a whim (and because he's hopelessly in love with his co-star) to watch Never Let Me Go...Bad idea. Cue Jesse's panic attack and Andrew being all OH MY GOD WHAT'S THE MATTER and consoling him and then the revealing of feelings and kissing and lovely things."
A/N: This isn't the first time I've written RPF, but it's the first time the story's even been finished. Also, it's 7:30 in the morning here and I haven't slept. For any and all mistakes due to this, I apologize.
Story:


Andrew was startled by the knock on his door. It was past two in the morning—he wasn’t even supposed to be awake. He opened the door with the chain lock in place, blinking as Jesse came in to view in front of him. “Jess?” he muttered, closing the door to unhook the lock and swinging the door open wide.

“What’re you—” Jesse lunged at him, throwing his arms around Andrew’s neck, and for the first time Andrew managed to take in Jesse’s frazzled and distraught appearance. Panic rose in his throat, hard and sudden, “—shit, Jesse, it’s freezing out, why are you just wearing PJs? What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

“Sorry,” Jesse muttered against his neck, “I know it’s stupid, but I can’t drive during a panic attack so I took a cab, I just—”

“During a—what?” Andrew tried to get a look at Jesse, but he wasn’t letting go. “You took a cab here? Jesse, what’s wrong?”

Jesse remained latched to Andrew, his face buried in his neck, with no sign of moving. Andrew felt tears smear against his skin. “I gave the guy a really good tip. He was nice. Worried about me.”

“Jess, I’m worried about you. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I just needed to see you, I needed—” Jesse took a deep breath against Andrew’s jaw, and Andrew felt a shiver run down his spine. “I needed you. Just.”

“Jess, you could’ve called me. I would’ve come over. You didn’t have to…” Andrew stopped, realizing he’d been derailed from having his question answered again. Usually Jesse was so open with him. Something was wrong. “Jesse, why won’t you tell me why you’re upset?”

“It’s stupid, I just—” Jesse trailed off, but the repeated choice of words quelled most of Andrew’s panic that had been building up from the avoidance. “I watched a movie.”

“Christ, Jesse, what did you watch? Schindler’s List?”

Jesse tensed abruptly, and Andrew guessed it probably wasn’t the best timing to try and be facetious.

He rubbed unevenly at Jesse’s back, not quite sure how to comfort him. “Okay, okay, what did you watch?”

***
Jesse was about half an hour in when he realized he probably shouldn’t be watching this movie alone after midnight on a Tuesday. Andrew hadn’t even shown up yet. But the whole concept seemed wrong, hard-to-digest and unavoidably depressing.

But he had never been able to stop watching a movie before it was over. Whenever he did, he just thought about all the worst possible outcomes. He had a feeling whatever he dreamed up this time would probably be worse than what was coming in the film.

The last twenty minutes of the movie were spent curled against himself on the couch, his arms braced over his head as if a plane was about to crash through his roof. “Please be over,” he kept chanting to himself every few minutes, “Please just end. Stop, stop, stop.”

The by the time the credits bloomed onto the screen, Jesse was halfway out the door, throwing a jacket over his faded T-shirt and pajama bottoms.
***

“You watched Never Let Me Go,” Andrew repeated after finally dragging it out of Jesse, who was still clinging to him. He sighed, trying not to smile. It wasn’t funny—not really—but it was ridiculously flattering in more ways than one that the movie affected him so much. “Okay, Jesse, it’s okay. Let’s just go in for some tea or something, okay?” Jesse nodded, but didn’t loosen his grip, and Andrew rolled his eyes, smiling fondly to himself. “Jesse,” he said gently, prying Jesse’s arms away, “It’s okay. Come on.”

Andrew barely had time to shut the front door behind him before Jesse flew at him again, this time throwing him hard against the door. “Ow, Jesse—” Andrew muttered, smiling, “I don’t think the title is meant to be quite as literal as you’re making it out to be.”

Jesse didn’t answer, the hand at the back of Andrew’s neck moving to curl possessively in his hair.

Andrew swallowed, feeling his heart stutter in his chest. “Jesse—” he whispered, his voice coming out lower than it had been before. He hesitated for a few breaths before continuing, “I swear to you, I’m fine. I haven’t secretly become a living organ donation since the last time you saw me.”

Jesse shifted against him, and for a moment Andrew thought he was going to disentangle himself, but instead he felt lips press against his neck in an unmistakable kiss. Andrew shuddered involuntarily and Jesse’s hand tightened in his hair.

“Mine,” Jesse purred against his jaw, nuzzling gently, punctuating each breath with another kiss, “Please, I want—Mine. Mine.

Andrew felt his eyes slide closed, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips. “Jesse,” Andrew murmured hoarsely, “What’re you—?”

The use of Andrew’s mouth seemed to do little else than draw Jesse’s attention to it, stopping what he was doing to pull Andrew’s lips to his own.

He all but devoured Andrew on contact, holding his face steady against his own, both hands now fisted in his hair. Andrew could taste tears and a tinge of copper from Jesse worrying his bottom lip on the ride over. He was shaking, desperate, whispering incoherently into Andrew’s mouth.

“Jesse,” Andrew moaned against the kiss, arms grabbing Jesse’s shoulders, “Jesse, we can’t—we can’t do this.” Andrew seemed incapable of hearing his own words, making no move to stop him. His hands merely held Jesse in place as his mouth moved back down to Andrew’s neck, biting gently at the clavicle.

Mine,” Jesse repeated, his voice coming out harsher this time as he shoved Andrew back against the door.

Andrew groaned, a long shudder rolling through his body at the sudden force. “Jess,” he whispered breathlessly, feeling Jesse’s hands suddenly tugging at his shirt. He shrugged out of it as if on instinct and gasped loudly when Jesse ducked his head to take a nipple in between his teeth.

Fuck,” Andrew breathed, dropping his head back against the wood with a loud thunk, “Jesus fuck—couch. Couch."

Jesse barely seemed to hear him, spinning Andrew by the shoulders and reeling him forward, sending them both stumbling awkwardly until they crashed blindly onto the couch. Jesse’s hands were shaking as he pulled off Andrew’s boxers, wriggling out of his pajama bottoms at the same time.

Andrew could hear him muttering brokenly under his breath; he caught words like please and Andrew and mine, but never full sentences. In an effort to calm him, Andrew reached up and pulled him down for a kiss, and Jesse went pliant against him, dropping his head into the crook of Andrew’s shoulder as his hand slid over them both.

“Need you,” Jesse kept whispering against Andrew’s skin, “Please. Come for me—please, Andrew—”

Andrew felt a tight coil in the pit of his stomach, Jesse’s breath coming out in hot pants in his ear. “Andrew, God, Andrew, I need you to—need to hear you. Need to feel it on me, I—”

Fucking hell,” Andrew shouted, grabbing fistfuls of Jesse’s hair as he came hard in between them, making a mess of both their stomachs. Jesse took a shuddering breath and fell against him with a slap of wet skin on skin. “Do you need me to—” Andrew started, but Jesse was shaking his head before he even finished.

“Not—not gonna happen. I took two Zoloft on the way here.” He laughed little breathlessly, and Andrew nodded, reaching up to absently pet at Jesse’s hair. Jesse nuzzled further into Andrew’s neck, wrapping his arms around his chest.

“We should shower,” Andrew mumbled distantly, realizing as the words began to leave his mouth that Jesse was saying something against his shoulder and fell silent.

“I’ll keep you,” Jesse whispered softly, sounding half-asleep already, as if he didn’t even realize he was speaking, “You’ll be safe. I’ll keep you here.”

Andrew smiled, running his hand over Jesse’s face. “I know, Jess,” he said calmly, “I know.”

Comments

( 36 comments — Leave a comment )
novacanes
Feb. 5th, 2011 10:08 pm (UTC)
So adorable! I really really love this.
callmejude
Feb. 8th, 2011 12:21 pm (UTC)
Yay! I'm glad! :3
postal152
Feb. 6th, 2011 09:27 am (UTC)
Okay, this was awesome, and all kinds of adorable.

Also hiiii, I remember you. :P
callmejude
Feb. 6th, 2011 09:35 am (UTC)
OMGOSH HI! I remember you, too! Are you in the TSN fandom now or did you just find this by chance? XD
postal152
Feb. 6th, 2011 09:45 am (UTC)
I am subscribed to handbasketnews and this was featured - wouldn't say I'm legit part of TSN fandom but I'm getting closer with each fic I read. :P Can we expect more Jewnicorn goodness from you?
callmejude
Feb. 6th, 2011 10:39 am (UTC)
-flusters-

OH GOODNESS IT WAS FEATURED ON A COMM. 8D -flails a little-

As for more Jewnicorn goodness...I'm not sure. I write a lot of RPF and they're quite fun to write, but I so rarely get the fics DONE. XDD But we'll see. :3
melroseee
Feb. 6th, 2011 08:27 pm (UTC)
I AM ACTUALLY SCREAMING RIGHT NOW. SO MUCH LOOOVE.
callmejude
Feb. 8th, 2011 12:17 pm (UTC)
SCREAMING IS FUUUUUUUUUUUN!

...Sorry, I couldn't help but make that reference, I hope you get it and don't think that I'm just a crazy person. (Although, I must admit that I do find screaming fun. XD)
xbriyeon
Feb. 7th, 2011 03:38 am (UTC)
I love how you could really feel the raw urgency and desperation here. So fantastic, giving me heart palpitations. <3
callmejude
Feb. 8th, 2011 12:19 pm (UTC)
Oh gracious I should maybe start putting a health warning on my fics then. XD But I'm glad you liked it so much! c: It's comforting to hear for this fic especially, considering I've never published another RPF fic before. ♥
tafidadarling
Feb. 8th, 2011 11:35 pm (UTC)
Oh my God. This is beautiful. Poor Jesse worrying about Andrew. ♥
callmejude
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:11 am (UTC)
;alfka I'm sorry this comment is so late! LJ hasn't been sending me a good 90% of the emails it's supposed to. :c But I'm glad you liked it! :3
tafidadarling
Mar. 5th, 2011 07:03 pm (UTC)
That's quite alright dear. :P
flwrpwr_vampyre
Feb. 14th, 2011 10:49 pm (UTC)
This is amazing and ridiculously sweet.
callmejude
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:12 am (UTC)
Yay, that's the reaction I was going for! XD I'm glad you enjoyed it.

also, sorry this comment is so freaking late. LJ has been selective on which emails to send me and I only just now realized it. DX)
flwrpwr_vampyre
Mar. 9th, 2011 01:18 pm (UTC)
It's not just you, it's been happening to everyone. I'm getting notifications of replies days later.
callmejude
Mar. 9th, 2011 07:53 pm (UTC)
Ug, fuckin' livejournal, how does it work.
oh_la_fraise
Feb. 16th, 2011 11:08 pm (UTC)
So great! I don't normally read rpf (although tsn is rpf, I guess, technically), but this prompt grabbed my attention. If I were Jesse I totally would have reacted the same way lol. Anyway, lovely story!
callmejude
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:14 am (UTC)
I used to be weird about RPF, too, and I was never able to finish what I wrote because it just felt TOO WEIRD, but I like, forced myself to sit down and finish this all in one night, so I'm glad it came out well enough. XD (I kind of DID react the same way to that movie. It was HARSH, man!)

And I'm sorry this comment is so late. :c I didn't get an email until just now. LJ hates me. ;_;
lafemmecasanova
Feb. 25th, 2011 11:55 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh, in love in love in love with this! Jesse's reaction is so amazing, and the last part... mmmm. Very fantastic!
callmejude
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:16 am (UTC)
I'm sorry this comment is so freaking late - LJ randomly decides to just NOT TELL ME stuff sometimes. D: But I'm glad you liked it! :D Especially Jesse's reaction. I felt a little weird about how it was coming out, but if you like it than I guess it came out right! XD

poose78
Feb. 26th, 2011 02:19 am (UTC)
Just finished that damn movie-- you have no idea how bad I needed this. So sweet, and good. xx
callmejude
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:17 am (UTC)
Haha, I do have some idea - that's why I wrote it! I had literally just finished the movie and was like "okay, no, I need to write fic RIGHT NOW." Thus, writing until 7am. XDD But apparently it was a success despite the sleeplessness! 8D I'm glad it helped. :3

(Also, I'm really sorry this comment's so late. LJ sometimes doesn't tell me when I have comments. :|)
poose78
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:48 am (UTC)
LJ is being a major dick to us all. My friend and live tweeted NLMG together and then I was all there HAS to be fic, and lo, there was, and it made us both feel better. That film hurt.
pingback_bot
Mar. 5th, 2011 05:40 am (UTC)
Andrew/Jesse Recs
User robpat referenced to your post from Andrew/Jesse Recs saying: [...] with it. <lj-cut text="Safe">community.livejournal.com/lyingink/17851.html#cutid1 [...]
callmejude
Mar. 5th, 2011 06:18 am (UTC)
Re: Andrew/Jesse Recs
YAY! \o/ I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED IN LIFE.

(I don't know if I have to like - respond to this or something to keep it from being reported but yeah, take this as my full approval. XD)
cydnee199
Mar. 6th, 2011 05:11 am (UTC)
Oh my lord. I just-- I just really.... *quiet, middle-of-the-night-squee*
Never Let Me Go is on my weekend-to-do-list (and will be quickly followed by Zombieland, so I can put the two boys back-to-back and cheer me up) and imagining Jesse's reaction like this is so heart-breaking and sweet and whew. I love this! Very, very well done :D
callmejude
Mar. 6th, 2011 08:56 am (UTC)
Oh, it's really SUCH a good movie, but it's absolutely soul-crushing. Fair warning, there. XD

I'm glad you liked it! :3
cydnee199
Mar. 6th, 2011 10:01 pm (UTC)
Oh god, I watched and I think Jesse's reaction is totally justified. My god. You did PERFECTLY.
callmejude
Mar. 6th, 2011 10:12 pm (UTC)
8D Thank you! -flails-

♥ ♥
lucdarling
Mar. 6th, 2011 10:04 pm (UTC)
oh thank god this exists. it's at least some sort of balm after that film. (just finished watching. literally.)

Oh Jesse, my heart. and Andrew is lovely in this, completely understanding. ♥
callmejude
Mar. 6th, 2011 10:13 pm (UTC)
Oh man, I know how you feel - I literally wrote this as a reaction to the movie. The credits were still rolling when I started. I'm so glad you liked it! <3
leladancer18
Mar. 18th, 2011 08:34 am (UTC)
Hey there, I'm not sure if I ever left a comment for this, but I wanted to say that this fic was very adorable and I rather enjoyed it. Also, I just watched "Never Let Me Go" and I'm still really sad over the movie :(
callmejude
Mar. 18th, 2011 08:47 am (UTC)
Dude, I watched it MONTHS ago and I still get sad when I think about it. :c That film was tragic.

I'm glad you liked my fic, though! :3 It doubled as catharsis. XD
angelstar2
May. 30th, 2011 01:57 am (UTC)
I just want to tear up at the sweetness of this! LOVES IT!
callmejude
May. 30th, 2011 04:45 am (UTC)
:3 I'm so glad!
( 36 comments — Leave a comment )